Kevin Scalzo

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You’ve spent the past three years alone on a desert island. You build a raft and miraculously hit the mainland right in front of a Circle K. What’s the first thing into your mouth when you burst through its doors?

A Snickers cuz it really satisfies. Or maybe one of those sweaty rolling hot dogs.

You’re the last survivor of avalanche that has trapped your party for a number of weeks. You may or may not have developed a taste for human flesh by the time you make it to the nearest supermarket. Which snack will welcome you home best?

I’m gonna have to snap into a Slim Jim. That’s probably the closest thing to human flesh.

You’ve just been released after forty years of wrongful imprisonment. In recompense, the Governor has offered you a lifetime supply of your favorite snack. What morsel will make everything alright?

Mini Oreos.

You awake from a seven-year coma with a jolt. You sit straight up in your bed, and scream the name of the snack that you’ve been dreaming of all this time. What reveals itself at the top of your lungs?

Mallomars!!!!!

You’ve been hiding out in the Russia from the U.S. Government for years now. You’re tired of borscht. What snack might you face charges of treason for?

Shake Shack double with cheese.