Mathew Foster

mathewfoster.com

Which snack would you bring to the housewarming party of a good friend?

This is all about simplicity and sincerity. I’d bring a dip: an avocado dip. Guacamole, if you will. “I’m tired after moving into this house and all I want to do is drink cold beer and eat chips, dipped in various things.” I think that is a thoughtful snack. I would also bring cold beers.

Which snack would you like to have on your deathbed?

Oh man, this is really hard. What do you eat knowing that it won’t finish digesting in your cold, dead body? Fuck. I really, really hope they have snacks in the spirit worlds. I’ll just think of the first snack that comes to mind… cheese and quince paste on nut-thins.

If you had to name your newborn daughter after a snack, what would you name her?

Cool Ranch Doritos Foster.

Which snack brings you fond memories?

Popcorn with nutrional yeast has been a snack passed down among my people. I remember my grandpa Ray would make it all the time and feed the stale old stuff to the crows the next day out in the front yard. He also snacked on peanut butter and onion sandwiches, which I think are actually pretty tasty.

Which snack reminds you of heartbreak?

The absence of snacking is really the honest answer… whenever I’ve been dealt a shitty hand in life, I find my appetite is just not there anymore. That is the worst. There is no pleasure where there are no snacks.

Which snack would you bring to the housewarming party of a mortal enemy?

I’d bring a wacky ass meatloaf, probably made of venison or something, and I’d hide it in the corner of the tallest cupboard. Or something that would attract killer bees. Or probably just the bees.